[Apologetics] Hilarious Church Bulletin Bloopers

[Dianne Dawson]

Hilarious Church Bulletin Bloopers 

by  Matthew Archbold Tuesday, June  28, 2011 8:04 PM 
 
OK. There’s a lot of serious stuff going on in the Church and in the world  right now and I was prepared to write on them but then I received an email from  a friend of mine about Church bulletin bloopers and I laughed so hard I nearly  choked to death. (I’m actually not kidding. My wife came running into the room  to see if I was OK.) I have no idea of the veracity of these or their orignal  source but they struck me as funny so I’m thinking you’ll probably get a laugh  or two out of it as well.

Here they are:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.. 
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The  sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. 
The sermon tonight: Searching  for Jesus. 
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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a  chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your  husbands. 
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our  community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who  doesn’t care much about you .
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Don’t let worry kill you off - let the Church help .
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Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not  pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. 
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For those of you who have children
 and don’t know it, we  have a nursery downstairs . 
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Next Thursday there will be  tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. 
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24  in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church  hall. Music will follow.. 
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At the evening service tonight,  the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir  practice. 
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to  the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older  ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other  items to be
 recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super  entertainment and gracious hostility. 
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Potluck supper Sunday  at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of  the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the  basement on Friday afternoon. 
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This evening at 7 PM there  will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and  come prepared to sin. 
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Ladies Bible Study will be held  Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship  Hall after the B. S. Is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it  if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him
 their electric girdles for the  pancake breakfast next Sunday. 
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Low Self Esteem Support  Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door. 
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet  in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend  this tragedy. 
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the  First Presbyterian Church. 
Please use large double door at the side  entrance. 
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new  campaign slogan last Sunday:
” I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.


Read more: http://www.ncregister.com/blog/hilarious-church-bulletin-bloopers/#ixzz1RfWHoMph

Like a deer that longs for running waters so my soul longs for you, O God.
Ps 42:1
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